I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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