Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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