Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
