I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
