Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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