I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
