Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
