I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
