i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
