i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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