I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize