I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
