He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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