i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
