my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
