Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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