did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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