I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
