Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
