So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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