I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
