You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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