What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
