and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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