i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
