I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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