so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
