i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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