i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize