just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
