a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
