I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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