HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
