i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
