Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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