She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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