I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
