i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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