I'm jealous of your bromance
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I will be naked everywhere
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm like, not good at living.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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