I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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