Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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