Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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