I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
