from now on my penis is your penis
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
