So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
