That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
