Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
