You're completely useless in the revolution.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
