mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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