New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
