You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
