So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
