pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
