then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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