don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize