I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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