playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
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I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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