I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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