jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
