it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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