I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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