my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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