So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
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Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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