Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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