so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
