sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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