We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
