that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
