So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
