he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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