We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
